General Nothingness and Birth Talk

I cant tell y'all how many blogs I have written in my head that just dont make it on to here. Some are about pregnancy, others about Georgia, mostly about Chloe, but they have all been updates. So I think we'll start there and I am going to end with a bit on where I am with July 6th.

We've really adjusted to being here. We like the weather. The traffic is a biznatch, but we really like our apartment, ward, being by family and where we are. I've had one or two breakdowns about student loans or how it's hard to be the one friend in my group not looking into buying a home in the next year or two. But you know, it's okay. I love our home and I love the choices we are making. It is like the moments where you wonder, what if I had done this or that or not gone on that date with my now husband and then you look into your spouse's eyes or catch them doing something sweet, maybe stealing a kiss from your baby and you realize there is no other reality better than the one you are living. No matter how difficult or heartaching it may be.

Jameson is not having a great semester. You know how last semester he came home the first night and twirled me telling me how happy he is to be here in this school and this is what he wants to do? Now... not so much. But we've made this a serious matter of prayer and it was part of our fast today and I feel completely at peace with the direction we are going. He is still working part time for Target and making friends there. Not a dream job, but it is the little boost we need and it does get him out and about. He has also really gotten into a blogging community and has made some friends.

Chloe is living up to the title of "Terribly terrific twos". She has the dramatic flair or throwing herself on the floor or part of the couch and wailing. It is really hard to not bribe or go for the quick fix. I know things that will stop her mid-scream (i.e. Candy hearts, Monsters Inc, chips, etc). Not that any one thing is necessarily bad, but I dont want her to be "programmed" into thinking that candy or electronics will bring her happiness. But when I am doing dishes or frustrated up to my ears thinking of the picture in Lilo and Stitch:

It is hard not to...

Yes. I think of that picture often.

I am doing really well. This pregnancy feels like it is going by really quickly. People say it is because I am busy chasing Chloe. And that could be it. I was working two jobs (one was a day job the other a night) so I dont feel like "busier" is the right word. We're still excited we're having a boy. It has been different in the sense that Chloe we knew her name. We found it she was a girl and it was just the right name of all the girls names we picked. This time around it is name after name being thrown at each other.

I have had a little more anxiety about this baby. He has a CPC, Choroid plexus cyst on his brain so we'll be doing another ultrasound in a month and a half. The doctor says he has never seen one stick around past that point, but you never like hearing about abnormalities. Baby boy was also measuring 22 weeks instead of my 20, so I am a little hopeful he'll grace us with his presence early. But you never know.

On to my main topic of thought these days. My new book, Natural Childbirth the Bradley Way. I am borrowing it from a friend. Two of my friends here have read it and used it as a guide and loved it. Jameson is listening while I read it out loud and he is being awesome. He remembers the parts for the coaches and is willing to do the practices with me. What more could I want? Before starting this book I had a lot of fear. Chloe's birth was complicated. So I have been nervous this one will be too. I've talked to my doctor about it and even though I got an answered prayer that the baby will be okay if I stay with the practice, I have kept a fear that I'll need a C section (nothing wrong with that, I know). But since reading this book, that fear has gone away. I am not saying it wont happen, but this book is teaching me to be more aware of myself and I am really grateful for it.

I am not trying to say that an unmedicated birth is better, especially since I have yet to have one. And I am not looking for people to tell me I am crazy for wanting to try or for people to laugh me down saying "birth hurts like heck" or even praise for doing something hard. This is a choice I have made because with Chloe, I was with a doctor I trusted 100% and who had delievered for several of my family members and knew them. This doctor's practice has a rough record and I dont feel a bond with him. I want to be in control this time and this book is impowering me. I wont feel like a failure if things go differently. But I will know that I have done everything to make this a positive experience despite my previous fear. 

So that is what I'm focused on these days. We're in the market for name suggestions. Some criteria are the names need to be at least 2 syllables and sound good with "Ranck". Surprisingly difficult. Also, it has to be a name that sounds good on a daily basis, not just a name place for a nick-name.